by Tan Jia Qi, Chelsea for her transfer of membership on Easter Sunday
If I could describe my life in a song, I would choose “Lovingkindness” by Matt Papa, Matt Boswell and Matt Redman:
You lift us with a Father’s hand You shelter us with Your commands What heart could fully comprehend Your mercies endless You lead us through the shadows deep Where doubts trace ev’ry step it seems But as the darkness breaks, we’ll see The morning promise.
When I was young, my parents brought my siblings and me to Glory Presbyterian Church since I was 6. My parents did not get along and had many disagreements, so the family environment often felt very tense. I learnt many bible stories and bible verses in Sunday school but it remained as head knowledge. I was dead in my sin and God was not real to me.
In my teenage years, I often felt “not good enough” and that there was something wrong with me. I had an eating disorder since I was 14 and I struggled with this for 10 years. My friend invited me to attend a church camp at her church when I was 16. During one of my morning devotions, I read a verse, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love.” (John 15:9) I realized that God truly loved me and even asked me to abide in His love. I gave my life to Jesus at that church camp and asked God to transform my life, however, even after that I still had many struggles and felt very discouraged.
When I went to Dublin for my university studies, I attended Grace Bible Fellowship. I also met with a missionary from the church for weekly bible studies for about two years. I learnt about the relentless and unchanging love of God who pursues us even when we are unworthy sinners. Even though I am completely unworthy, yet God invites me into his presence to feast at his table as His child, and welcomes me into His family, made possible because of the blood of His Son Jesus Christ. The time I had at Grace Bible Fellowship was very precious to me because of the fellowship and friendship I experienced there. The people were of various nationalities and different ages but there was a sense of love and unity in the church as we were held together by a common bond in Jesus Christ. They did not have much materially but shared what they had with one another and served others despite their own weaknesses and struggles.
Gradually, I overcame my insecurities and worries by learning to put my trust in God and to depend on Him. I learnt that Jesus is my all-sufficiency and all that I need in life.
“You may never know that Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have.”
-- Corrie Ten Boom.
I learnt to depend on His word and to cling to Him in my darkest moments. Truly, God has been faithful and has never ever left me in despair.
Psalm 42:5 “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”
After coming back to Singapore and adjusting to life here, there have been many ups and downs but God has been most gracious and faithful to me. I am truly thankful for all the “angels” He has placed in my path who pointed me to Him. There have been many times when I could have turned away from Him and it was only by His grace and mercy that I am saved and restored back to Him time and again. I pray that God will continue to teach me and guide me to walk with Him, follow Him, love Him and serve Him till He comes back again.
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